Learning to Trust – Maria’s Story

I was born in Greece in 1965 but at the age of five our family moved to Australia. My family were not very religious and, although my parents identified as Greek Orthodox, we rarely attended church. I attended the local public school and it was there, when I was in Grade 3, that I was took part in a Greek Orthodox scripture class. This was the first time I was introduced to prayer. My prayers were simple and, to be honest, largely based around fear but, every night before I went to sleep, I said a prayer.

My prayers became much more focused when my father became very ill and the doctors had no answers. After more than two years of unexplained illness, the doctors suggested that my father should return to Greece to see if the warmer climate would help him recover. My father went to Greece on his own, to get a home ready for us. My brothers and I stayed in Australia with my mum, while she tried to sell our house. A few weeks after my dad had left, we got an urgent phone call telling us to come to Greece immediately. My dad had taken a turn for the worse.

We arrived in Greece in August 1977 and were picked up at the airport by some relatives. We drove for three hours believing that we were going to see my father. Instead we were taken to a church, the church where my parents were married, the church where I was baptised as a child.

My father was dead and we were being driven straight from the plane to his funeral. We were in shock. At the funeral my mother kept passing out, overcome with grief. I was 12 years old.

After a few months, we returned to Australia. My mother, who had previously had little interest in religion, became extremely devout. She began attending our local Greek Orthodox Church religiously and I would accompany her. I also started attending a weekly youth group for girls. I enjoyed these activities and although I didn’t get much out of the church services I would talk to God every morning as I walked to school.

When I was 16, I met a young man at a christening party that I attended with a family friend. It was not love at first sight but I knew deep down that he was the man I would marry. As was the custom in our culture at this time, his family approached my mother to ask for permission for us to begin a relationship. We were married exactly one month before my 17th birthday. I had always longed to be married and raise a family and, after a year of marriage, we decided to try and start a family.

After 4 years, we had not been able to conceive a child. We both underwent a series of tests but the doctors were unable to determine a reason for our infertility. I had always had a great love for children and spent a lot of time caring for the children of my friends and family. I so much desired to have children. I knew I could love a child no matter where they came from. My husband and I became involved in fostering children and put our names down for international adoption.

In 1987, we became the long-term foster parents to two brothers, Stephen, aged five and Matthew, aged six. They had been in foster care since the age of three and four and had suffered significant trauma. Both boys had significant emotional and behavioural challenges but my husband and I loved them deeply. As we navigated the journey of foster parenting we were also on a spiritual journey.

My husband and I had a number of friends from the local Greek community. We were all raised Greek Orthodox. We would occasionally gather together to discuss God and the Bible. We had very limited knowledge about the Bible but were eager to learn more. On one occasion the conversation was around the Holy Spirit and salvation. In the midst of the conversation I said, ‘if you believe Jesus died for your sins then you have the Holy Spirit.’ As I said these words out loud it was like something was activated in my heart. I didn’t realise it at the time but the Holy Spirit had given me a revelation of this verse in Romans.

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Romans 10:9-10

This was the beginning of a personal relationship with my Lord and Saviour. A short time later, I was invited to become part of a small Bible Study group and my eyes and heart were opened to the fullness of relationship with Jesus. My husband and I both became Christians and were soon baptised outdoors at a local river. Our extended family was not happy about this decision, as they thought we had rejected the faith of our family. In our culture, the Greek Orthodox religion is inseparable from whom we are.

My husband and I continued to grow in our faith, however, and became part of a local Christian church. Meanwhile, our application for adoption from Colombia was being considered. I had such peace from God about the adoption process. I clung to this promise while we waited.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

In March 1992, the desire of my heart was met with the arrival of our beautiful daughter Karoleena Grace. We travelled as a family to Colombia to meet her. She was, and still is, absolutely gorgeous. My heart was full. Life was busy with our three children but I had a lot of love to give. In 1996, our second daughter, Cheyenne Faith, joined us from Colombia. She was an answer to our prayers and an absolute delight.

But when it pleased God who separated me from my mother’s womb
And called me according to his grace.
Galatians 1:15

In 1998, Cheyenne was two, Karoleena was six and the boys were 15 and 16. For some time the boys had been having intermittent contact with their birth parents. In 1998, they both decided to go and live with their parents. Although I understood their desire to form a deeper relationship with their biological family, I was utterly heartbroken. The transition for the boys from the stability of our family to a very uncertain and volatile environment did not go well.

My heart grieved as the boys continued to make choices that had devastating consequences for all of us. It was during this time I began to understand the depth of God’s unconditional love for us.

In the midst of so much heartbreak, I was stunned to discover that I was pregnant. We had been married 16 years and finally we were going to have a biological child. I was elated but also in shock. Sadly, our baby died at 16 weeks gestation.

A year later, against all odds I fell pregnant again, this time with twins. It was at our 16-week scan that the doctor informed us that our babies would not live. Although I was devastated, I carried my babies till birth, with a peace from God that defied logic. Our children Isaiah David and Kathryn Hope were still born on 9 April 2000. The grief I felt at this time was like nothing else I had ever experienced. Life was a blur of tears and tiredness as I struggled to reconcile all that was going on. My faith in God was strong but it had been shaken.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:16

I had peace that my babies were in heaven but the grief, loss and heartbreak of the last few years began to take its toll on my marriage. The four years that followed the death of the twins were the most painful of my life. After 22 years of marriage, my husband and I separated. Divorce was not something I had ever considered but, as I was painfully aware, our lives do not always go the way we planned.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

Our divorce was finalised in 2009 and seven years on my relationship with my ex-husband is amicable and positive. We are both devoted to our children. My relationship with God is strong. It has been tested beyond what I thought I could handle but God’s love for me has never faltered.

I am grateful for the support and wisdom of my faith community, the blessing of counselling and the healing power of tears.

As I reflect on the past I have learned that, even in the midst of unspeakable pain, I can trust God. He knows what we cannot see and sees what we do not know. His grace is more than sufficient.