Love Is Not A Fairytale – Jo’s Story

In her own words Jo Bouris is currently in a season of  ‘beautiful chaos’. Wife to Nathan and mum to Mia Pearl, Evie Rose and Jake Blaze, Jo and her family live on the stunning Sunshine Coast of Australia. A part time breakfast announcer for the radio station 106five, she also juggles interstate media engagements and ministry responsibilities at Hillsong Noosa. I recently spoke to her about life and her latest venture; the social media initiative @loveisnotafairytale

What’s a typical day like for you?

Our children are energetic, full of personality, feisty, happy and make us laugh everyday. As you can imagine with three children under six most of my days are filled with preparing snacks and meals, vacuuming the floor, hanging out washing, vacuuming AGAIN, school drop offs, school pick ups, mediating sibling arguments, folding washing, wiping down the bench 20 times a day, constantly picking up things left lying around, cuddles, kisses, baby wipes, COFFEE and not enough sleep all done with a cute little man on my hip! I am just embracing it and grateful I even have the chance to be a wife and mother. I have just returned to part time work after 2 years off with the kids, which has been wonderful, however I will be learning to do the family/work/church juggle again but this time with 3 kids! HA! I have much to be thankful for.

How did you and Nathan meet?

I met Nathan when I was 17 through a friend at church and we instantly hit it off! He was so much fun and it was such an easy friendship. The day after we met I got a message from our mutual friend saying that Nathan liked me. So I called him to tell him ‘there was no chance of dating me and that we could only be friends.’  Poor guy!

We ended up being best friends for five years before we started dating. He was subtly persistent but always respectful that I was not keen on a relationship. People would meet him and rave about him and most people in our life said we were ‘perfect for each other’ which used to really annoy me! I had baggage I was working through so it wasn’t even on my radar to enter a relationship. And then one day I literally had a moment where I looked at him and thought, ‘now I see it, he is the one who God has for me!’ He truly has been the greatest gift and I am so grateful for him.

We dated for a year before he proposed, with a day of clues to lead me all the way to Sydney from the Sunshine Coast for the most romantic night of my life! We were married a few months later on the Today Show in Sydney for the 2004 ‘Marry in the Morning’ competition!

Tell me more about that! You were married on TV?

To win you had to send in a one-minute video letting the viewers know why you were different to every other couple and then the viewers voted. No one was more surprised than us when we won.

Our video was about the fact that we weren’t living together and we were waiting till we got married to have sex. We had some interesting feedback and copped some flack, however we were also able to get the message out there that there were couples making the decision to wait. It is something we are so glad we stayed committed to. I know it has had a positive impact on our marriage.

Our prize included the hens and bucks nights, wedding gown, wedding rings, a reception at Sheraton on the Park, flights, accommodation, a honeymoon in Hawaii and our very own wedding planner! It was truly a miracle for us!

How did your own experiences as a child effect your expectations of marriage and family?

My parents divorced when I was 16, which left me feeling shattered and confused. It was heartbreaking. I had to grow up fast and support my dad with my two younger sisters and help them cope with the massive change. This experience seemed to cement in me a fear of commitment in relationships. I had to work through my fears before I could even start dating. I think marriage is the most important relationship in your life but it’s full of challenges. When you bring two lives together to mould into one, it’s a stretch and there will be hard seasons.

How did you move past these fears towards a more positive view of marriage?

I learned a lot from my pastors at the time, Chas and Fran Gullo. They had 5 children and have now been married 40 years. They genuinely love each other and opened up their home to everyone including their children’s friends. I spent many nights around their dining table, eating their food, watching how they treated each other, observing their family dynamics. I still remember one night when, as a family, they were resolving an issue. They allowed me to sit there and watch how they talked it through and came to an agreement. It was all done with respect and love. It was amazing to me. I don’t think I could even count how many relationship questions I have asked them over the last decade. I know that my marriage is a result of what they invested into me and I am so grateful for that.

Why did you start @loveisnotafairytale?

Ever since Nathan and I got married I have asked any couple I meet, that have been married 10 years or more, what their secret is. If I see an older couple having coffee, on a train, or walking in the street, I ask them ‘how do you stay in love, how have you made it work?’ I have learned so much from others and thought ‘why not pass it on?’

I know first hand the impact marriage breakdown has on children and future generations. I want to do what I can to share the wisdom and experiences of people who have stayed committed and overcome the challenges of marriage. I want people to know that it can be done. I also believe that if you are going to be married and spend the rest of your life with someone then why not make it great! We are meant to be on the same team so why fight each other?

I love hearing people’s stories and what is unique to them. Every couple is different; we all walk out our own path so I thought if I could share the tips of all types of people than something that has worked for one couple might work for another.

How can people be involved with @loveisnotafairytale?

I would love anyone that is interested in marriage and hearing from other everyday couples that are doing it well, to follow and read the tips. I get excited every time I post a new one as they are all unique. Feel free to repost and share to spread the word. There can never be too much positivity towards marriage relationships in my eyes! If you know a couple that inspires you that may be interested in featuring on @loveisnotafairytale feel free to email me [email protected]

Best advice you have received?

I am very fortunate to be surrounded by incredible influence through church, friends and family so I feel I am getting great advice almost every day. However my dad had a few key sayings while I was growing up that have stuck with me. One of those is “I complained I had no shoes, until I met the man who had no feet.” Gratefulness and perspective are so important to me.

Best compliment you have received?

Pretty much any compliment my husband Nathan gives me. He lives with me, sees me at my absolute worst and so when he encourages and affirms me he means it! I usually cry reading his cards every birthday and anniversary because of how he sees me as a wife and mother. He is amazing. He is my biggest supporter especially in doing the things I love like this venture.

Do you have a quote or scripture verse that means a lot to you? Why?

Oh I have so many! One that has been a big part of my life is Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do.

During motherhood I went through a season of anxiety and panic attacks, which was a big hurdle to overcome, and I literally read the word of God to renew my mind. Meditating on truth and some great practical tips really helped me get through that season.

Most recently Philippians 4 in the Message Bible that talks about “Instead of worrying, pray!” I am on a journey of discovering the power of prayer in my everyday life. I love that I can rest in God in the midst of it all and take my concerns to Him.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG)