Freedom Found – Getrude’s Story
I was about seven years old when I was first sexually abused by our neighbour’s son. I was totally shocked and terrified by what he did. My innocence was stolen and fear entered my heart. He told me that I couldn’t tell my parents and because I was afraid of him, I didn’t.
When I was 10, a young couple stayed in our home because they had nowhere else to live at the time. My parents trusted them but the man abused me. This time I spoke up and they had to leave our home but the damage had already been done.
By now I felt like I had a sign around my neck that said that men would take advantage of me. Sadly I believed that sign. As I grew older I was different from my friends. I was very quiet and withdrawn, but at other times angrily defensive. I was tormented by bad dreams and felt like an outsider with very low self esteem.
As I entered my twenties I did my best to move on from my past. The bad dreams became less frequent. I travelled, had new and exciting experiences and met lots of interesting people along the way but I struggled to have any sort of intimate relationship. I tried to forget my past but there was an underlying fear that remained.
When I was 28 I met someone who I thought was a friend. We went out a few times but one evening after we had gone out for dinner he broke my trust and sexually violated me in a way no-one should ever have to experience. I was shattered. I will never forget the words he said as he left, ‘women always say NO but they mean yes’.
I was so upset and confused. The images of that night kept playing in my mind and I started to blame myself, voices from the past convinced me that it was my fault. I kept this secret for weeks. I felt depressed and alone. One day I went to a church down the street from where I lived, desperate for someone to talk to, but the doors were locked.
Depression hung over my life and throughts of suicide taunted me. I knew something was missing in my life.
I remembered the Lord’s Prayer from when I was a child but but I was angry at God. I blamed him for what had happened to me. I didn’t want to talk to Him.
I decide to move abroad for a fresh start. I came to the UK and was staying in a hostel while looking for a job. Every morning I would check in with reception to see if I had any mail. The guy who worked at reception was friendly and after a while asked me to come to church with him.
I just remember thinking ‘I don’t want anyone bothering me with another Jesus story! I have too much going on in my life, too many things that I need to sort out. I’m not ready to be saved and I don’t want to be forced into doing anything I don’t want to do.’
But he was persistent. Every week he invited me until I finally said yes. I will never forget that Sunday, July 07th 2005. I sat in church and listened to the preacher. At the end of his message he asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. In my head I said ‘he is not talking to me’. He repeated the invitation. Everyone had their eyes closed including me. Before I knew it, I was standing up, with my arm raised high in the air. That day I made a decision that changed my life. I became a Christian.
Within weeks I was baptised and shortly after attended a ‘Healing Retreat’. It was during the retreat that God came and surrounded me with His presence and peace. He healed me, cleansed me and took all my pain, frustration and anger. I felt safe and free for the very first time in my life.
I think I cried for days. Not because I was sad, but because I was so relieved that there was someone bigger than me who would take care of me.
It is more than 11 years since I committed my life to God and I can’t imagine life without Him. I am now a worship leader, prayer minister and am privileged to teach young people about the love and grace of God. I have come a long way from the quiet, withdrawn and lonely girl that I used to be. God is the author and finisher of my faith. I trust him with everything.
But I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
Philippians 3:13,14
