Courage Revealed – Beck’s Story

July 2, 2016 |

I grew up in a quiet, suburban street in Melbourne, Australia with my three siblings. We enjoyed a carefree, typical childhood; filled with days spent playing outside having tea parties, running through the sprinkler on a hot summer’s day and riding down the street on a hand built billy cart. My life was innocent, adventurous and fun.

When I was only six and half years old however, the innocence of my childhood was shattered. My mother and my siblings and I moved into my paternal grandfather’s house. We shared this house with 12 children and seven adults. Despite the number of children in the home there were no toys of any kind. There were no colourful walls, no pretty doona covers, no books, no TV. My life in that house consisted of sleep, school and constant chores. Everything I did was monitored and if not done correctly was met with severe punishment including beatings, missing meals and enforced isolation.

On one occasion, I was asked to rake the leaves outside on a particularly windy day. I stormed out and stomped my feet in protest at having to do such a futile task. As I threw the rake down after each failed attempt to collect the leaves in the wind, I felt myself getting angrier and angrier. Within minutes, one of the adults we lived with grabbed me from behind and dragged me into the house. I was immediately ordered to remove my clothes to receive a beating. I screamed ‘No’ and ran down the stairs trying to escape but was grabbed again and pulled back up. I tried repeatedly to run away but eventually was too exhausted to run anymore. I was thrown to the ground and beaten with a thin leather belt until I went numb.

But even worse was the repeated sexual abuse. So many nights I lay in bed praying that someone would come in and take me away from this place; but it didn’t happen. After three years my mother suddenly walked out. My siblings and I were then moved to live with my maternal grandparents. Unfortunately the sexual abuse continued, this time at the hand of my maternal grandfather. When I was 12 years old I disclosed to a school friend what was going on at home. Finally freedom was in sight.

Speaking out against both of the perpetrators who abused me was one of the most defining moments of courage in my life. Even though I knew that my family would not believe me or support me and that I would be completely abandoned to deal with the aftermath on my own, I still spoke out.

Looking back I realise that there was always courage on the inside of me. It was a courage that defied logic and reasoning.

“It took courage to confront the abuse and courage to face the pain that it had caused. But I made the decision that I would not allow my life to be defined or destroyed by the abuse.

This was not an easy path. It was long, hard and at times so unbearable that I wanted to die. But I held on, believing that better days were ahead. Thirty years on I realise that every day I persisted I was creating a better future for myself, discovering more about the person that I was always designed to be and revealing the courage that was always there.

I share my story today to celebrate the life I have now and the courage that I have discovered. It is my hope that my story will inspire those who are looking for their own courage.