A Few Things I Wish I Knew at 22 – Kelli’s Story
Happy 22nd Birthday from the older and wiser – and I believe improved – version of yourself. (Think of me as a young aunt whose clothes you want to borrow.) The old adage “hindsight is 20/20” is of absolutely no help after the fact, so I’m here to give you a glimpse of what’s ahead and some hints on how to successfully navigate it.
The mere fact that I am writing to you from your own future should bring a measure of comfort. Tonight as you were blowing out the candles with your eyes squeezed shut; I know what you were thinking. “What is ahead for me? Will it be a good year? Is there anything scary on the horizon?” You, my friend, have a habit of worrying. And it does not serve you well. You spend so much time being anxious about things that possibly, maybe, could happen, and you will come to realize that they rarely ever do.
It’s true when God says in Jeremiah “I know the plans I have for you. Not plans for harm, but plans for a hope and for a future.” The devil lies and he will use all kinds of smoke and mirrors to make things look threatening. Plus he knows your hot buttons and will take advantage of any opportunity to make a situation look more menacing than it actually is. He will try to get you to believe things that are not real. And even worse, he will tell you things about yourself that are not true.
The good news is God is always working on your behalf. You are going to know Him so differently than you can imagine. He’s not some shadowy image sitting on a throne giving good things to good people and bad things to bad people. He’s not a celestial dealmaker who will strike a bargain to answer prayers so long as you behave well. That’s not why Jesus went to the cross. There’s nothing you can do that He hasn’t already paid for.
When you make a mistake or make poor choices, don’t think you’ve missed the great plan for your life. The cross is our big “do-over.” If we let him, God has a way of taking our messes and getting us to our destiny even when it looks impossible. God is the most wonderful kind of father. He hears your prayers and he sees your tears. He will dispatch angels from heaven to fight for you. And when you think you are all alone, God is there – His Holy Spirit is right beside you, preserving you and providing for you.
I know you have heard of the Holy Spirit mentioned in church. But I have got big news for you. The Holy Spirit is a person, despite the fact that many in your circles don’t talk about him. He will enable you to do things you couldn’t do on your own with an aptitude you didn’t know you had. You have big, exciting things ahead of you, and the Holy Spirit is the one who is going to give you the power, strength, and wisdom to do it.
I know the desire of your heart is to be married and to have kids. You will have both, and it will be a huge source of joy but also tears. Here is a word of advice. Listen to me on this! When you hit a rough patch in your marriage – and you will – don’t wait to ask for help. Don’t think you can just soldier through and hope for things to improve with time. When two people come together, they bring all there yuck with them, even though you’re both charming and lovable. You may not even know what it is that’s causing the trouble, but undoubtedly it is a wound from the past. I’m here to tell you that God can heal it. He can fix it. But you need to nip this in the bud and ask for help. It will save you from looking back on too many wasted years of what could have been a great marriage. Hang in there. The good news is that people can change. And maybe one day you will wake up and realize he can pick up his underwear off the floor!
It’s also time to learn to be a good friend. You have a tendency to go it alone, but if you do, you will miss out on some of the major joys of life. I’ll let you in on a secret on how to be a good friend: Learn to give preference to them. Don’t insist on having your own way, but consider them first. Practice playing second fiddle.
Remember when Erin was crowned homecoming queen and you were the one behind the scenes decorating the gym and organizing the cake? I know how you would have loved to wear that crown. But don’t ever think that God doesn’t see what you do in secret behind the scenes. He is watching to see how you take care of what He has placed in your hand – however small it may be. If you take something ordinary and do the job extraordinarily well, promotion will come. Be faithful in all that you are doing and do it with excellence – whether it’s cleaning houses or counting inventory at Pier I – it’s all preparation for the destiny that’s ahead of you. And to be honest… tiaras? They’re not all they’re cracked up to be. Turns out they are giving them to toddlers these days.
As you get older, stay teachable. Be willing to learn new things. No matter your age, God is always about the new thing. He can use you at any age. Be willing to look at yourself and ask the question: “What in my life is not serving me well? Put yourself in a position to receive correction. And be ready when it comes. Be even more ready when it will come from someone younger than you. And brace yourself for the day it comes from someone you gave birth to.
In the future the modern-day church is all going to look very different. But it’s a good thing. But be assured that God is in it. Don’t get your panties in a wad when you see a woman in the pulpit. Turns out the American church will be late to the party on this one.
Be careful not to leave a church because you don’t like the worship music or because it’s filled with more young people than old. If the presence of God is there, that is all you need. Besides, a young and vibrant church will keep you young and vibrant as well. Their zeal and love for God is contagious. They will be fun and creative and needing the wisdom of older people. Forget the idea of retiring in the tropics and sipping mojitos. Life is going to be exciting if you can find out what God is doing on the earth and do it with Him. It will be more fun than you can imagine!
Finally, my 22-year-old friend, I am reminded of the words of Jesus before he left his disciples and went to the cross. He told them “I still have so many things to tell you, but you cannot bear them.” The same is true for you. My sweet girl, you will walk through some difficult things, things you cannot bear to know now. But you MUST know that your God is faithful and He can be trusted. He WILL see you through it. He WILL comfort you. He WILL preserve you, and He WILL redeem all things. You will be living proof.
And by the way, don’t get too comfortable with your big hair and blue eye shadow. Turns out it’s not a good look. And make a note to save the long, red glitter pageant gown. The 80s are going to be wildly popular again and you’ll have the perfect outfit.
Get ready – it’s going to be a great ride.
